.:: .S . C . A . N . D . A . L . | version . four

.memoirs of time

|youna.yoru| is currently working on an autobiography/non-fiction novel titled Memoirs of Time. The release date may be some time in the year 2080, considering the pace of her work at the moment. Please wait patiently! v^o^v
x...If I could turn back the time and change something in my life - something that I did or did not do, I would not know where to begin. Then again, some things may be better left unchanged. The price we have to pay ...for our actions. The guilt that stays with you for the rest of your life ...it will never cease. It will remain there always, as fresh as yesterday. The penalty of our selfish utilization of time, which despite what we may always wish, is
unavoidable ...
irreversible ...
unforgettable ... --------------------------

.archived.entries

My Sydney Heartbreak Vol. 1 [Sat & Sun] - Wednesday, Oct. 04, 2006
Wild Weekend ~ Alcohol, Cigarettes, Fights, Dirty Music ...more Scandals - Sunday, Sept. 17, 2006
Will You Be My Boyfriend ... - Wednesday, Sept. 06, 2006
memoirs of time - Monday, Sept. 04, 2006
version 4 - Monday, Sept. 04, 2006

.archived.blogs

Version 1: Saigo no Yume - featuring hot Saiyuki guys {layout by sayuki}
Version 2: Saigo no Yakusoku - featuring Genjyo Sanzo of Saiyuki {layout by rero}
Version 3: No Reason {layout by rero}

--------------------------

.scandalous.entries

My Sydney Heartbreak Vol. 1 [Sat & Sun]
[ Wednesday, Oct. 04, 2006 :: 8:44 PM ]

Listening to Yui - Tomorrow's Way
Reading nothing
Watching The OC Seasons 1 & 2
Current mood sad ...

Good times never last. I miss Sydney so much. It was the best time I had this year, and I would never forget it.

Saturday night, 23rd Sept 2006
T came to see the three of us – Nick, Caz, and me – off before our flight to Sydney at 8.15pm. I was, of course, so excited about our little trip and expressed it by talking non-stop all throughout the flight from Melbourne to Sydney. I guess our first impression of Sydney wasn’t the best – who would’ve thunk it that we have to stay at a little sh*thole that pretty much grossed me out from 10 miles away. For 4 nights! Omilord. I got so freaked out at first when I saw the place, with all sorts of images floating into my mind. I was constantly thinking that the place could’ve been in a horror movie – where there’s a psychopath killer scouting for backpackers living in horrid rat holes like that. It was worst than I thought, but I guess it sort of grew on us …like a wart. Besides, lots of things happened in that little grubby place which had to be our temporary residence in Sydney. So …we landed safely in Sydney, took a cab to that horrid place, and then promptly left to meet my much-missed best friend D. We went to Town Hall and Caz’s friend JS met up with us, and then we went for dinner! Yum! Eating is the best and only thing I look forward to every day. Which pretty much sums up how sad and bleak my life is. Anyways, dinner was at JS’s uncle’s restaurant – Korean food! Nothing beats Asian food. We had a lot of fun getting to know each other, and it was also the first time I drank soju (Korean alcohol), and we all got pretty tipsy and giggly after six or seven shots. It was hilarious.
After dinner we went to Darling Harbour, and this was where I started falling in love with Sydney. For some reasons, I totally love Darling Harbour …it’s so, so beautiful. Even Melbourne’s Dockland and Southbank can’t beat it. It’s absolutely gorgeous. Everything in Sydney is so …scenic. *Sighs* We took quite a few pictures with Nick’s digital SLR, which I thought was an awesome-ass camera. Hmm …we walked around Darling Harbour for hours, I think, and I can barely remember what we did that night. All I remember was that there was a lot of talking and laughing, and after that we went back to our ‘dumpster’ around 3.30am, and slept about 4am. Oh wait, it’s starting to come back to me. We walked all the way back to King’s Cross from Darling Harbour …and it was excruciating. We were drained by the time we got back, and pretty much just collapsed.

Sunday, 24th Sept 2006
I woke up feeling like crap but instantly brightened up when I realized where I was. I mean, not the dumpster I was in, but Sydney as a whole. The three of us got ready and left around 11am for Chinatown to have lunch. I was in stunned awe. Melbourne’s Chinatown is like, one sad street, but Sydney’s Chinatown is pretty much a whole area. I love the place. And did I mention that today was like, 30 degrees? I was enjoying the heat so much after all that boring Melbourne cold. We should’ve gone to Bondi Beach today, but Dan told us it would be extra-extra packed if we go on a Sunday, especially a 30 degrees one. I didn’t really relish the idea of being squashed like tuna fish in a can on my favorite beach, so we decided to go tomorrow.
After lunch, we were walking around this plaza in Chinatown. I can’t remember the name of that place, but we met up with JS again. He’s so nice. I really like him, and I was happy that he spent so much time with us, taking us around and all that. He brought us to Circular Quay, where I saw Sydney’s Opera House again, and was excitedly telling everyone about the history of Opera House – pretty much whatever I remembered about Opera House from 10 years ago when I went to Sydney with my mom and Caz, was of Caz tripping over and falling face flat on the ground when she chased after a flock of pigeons. And the funniest thing was, right after she fell down and cried like a baby, Mom took a picture of me and Caz sitting down on the sidewalk. And that blubbery, just-finished-crying expression on Caz’s face was priceless. Mom still has that photo. Maybe I’ll sell it on Ebay one day.
Circular Quay, the Opera House, and the Harbour Bridge are absolutely breathtaking. Nothing about Sydney disappointed me – I was in love with every part of Sydney. We walked around and it was extra tiring because we couldn’t stop talking and laughing with – and at – each other. I felt so carefree, happy, and I was enjoying every second of it.
Another thing about Sydney which attracted me was the ferry as a public transport. I can’t believe anywhere would have ferries as public transport! Omigod and did I mention that Sydney’s trains are like, soooo high-tech? It’s the first time in my entire life that I ever saw a train with 3 levels, and the seats are interchangeable~! I was having so much fun just sitting in the train. =P
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the ferry. Well, we took a ferry across the gorgeous waters to Watsons Bay. The ride was unforgettable, since being splashed in the face repeatedly by the salty sea water isn’t something you can just forget. On the ride back we sat inside, instead of up and out in the open where the sea water can easily ruin your hair. So, we arrived at Watsons Bay, and my hair was a total wreck, which put me in an irritated mood. But I soon brightened up when I saw the gorgeous view at Watsons Bay …come to think of it, I don’t even know the name of that little lookout point. It was like a cliff or something, because it overlooked the most breathtaking rocks I’ve ever seen, and – well, it was just plain gorgeous. We spent what felt like hours hiking up the cliff that overlooked the vast ocean, and took heaps of pictures.
By the time we got back to Central station to meet D, I was already pretty tired after all that intense walking. We were supposed to head to Eastwood, where D lived, for dinner, but it’s like 30 minutes by train and we really couldn’t be stuffed – at least, I couldn’t. I was tired and hungry. And when I’m in such state, it’s not really a good idea to cross my path. So D took us to this tiny Taiwanese restaurant and we actually had to wait for our seats. During dinner, brilliant Nick managed to piss me off with one of his typically stupid comments, and I suppose if I wasn’t that cranky I wouldn’t have snapped back at him, but I did. Now that I think about it, it was pretty funny.
So, after dinner we went to Chinatown and walked around before heading back to the dumpster. We fooled around in our little room for a bit, then when JS decided to go home, we pretty much cajoled him to come with us to grab supper. D brought us to this hot dog stall, and you know how much I love hot dogs. =D Anyway we sat by the waters and ate the massive hotdog. It was quite memorable.
It was there that I was talking to Nick about T, and he said that if I wasn’t certain about him I should just end it, because T was not worth worrying a thing about. We were talking very quietly, since D was just sitting next to Nick and I really didn’t want D to know anything. To be honest, I really don’t know what to do about T, but all I know is that it seems hard for me to develop feelings for him. Anyway, after the yummy hotdog feast, we went back since we were all really tired.
Nick, Caz, and I showered, and we chatted until we fell asleep. Or more like, I chatted, according to Nick. Anyway, the next day D asked us what we did after we got back to the place, and I happily replied, “We were chatting and laughing instead of sleeping”, but Nick interrupted dryly, “No it’s more like she was chatting while Caz and I were trying to sleep”. I guess different people have different points of view. =`[

~princess was kissed @ 8:44 PM~

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Wild Weekend ~ Alcohol, Cigarettes, Fights, Dirty Music ...more Scandals
[ Sunday, Sept. 17, 2006 :: 11:03 PM ]

Listening to Dong Bang Shin Ki - Miduhyo
Reading Kazuya Minekura's Bus Gamer
Current mood confused

What a weekend. So much for my promise to study. The closest I came to studying was touching my lecture notes. Is that an improvement? Looks like I'd seriously have to spend my whole spring break studying, instead of partying.
Anyway, last Wednesday (13th September) was A's birthday, but we celebrated on Friday night instead at Beach Club. *sigh* He's too cute. I barely got to spend much time with him at all, because of a certain byatch who couldn't keep her grubby paws off him. -__-" Doesn't she know she's like, so not hot? Geez. Go look in the mirror. I don't usually hate people, but I hate her the first time I met her after hearing gossips about her. She's such an unfriendly person and she's so up herself. Puh-leeze. I bet she thinks she's so hot just because she hooked up with that idiot P at the Pharmacy Ball after party. By the way, why is everyone so into him anyway? He's not even hot. He's like, fat, and he actually thinks he's better looking than A. oMg. Dream on. Not in another ten million years.
I've been clubbing too much - I really think I should stop going out so much. Last night was School Uniform night at Bass Lounge's Blink, and as expected from WTF Productions, it's soooo much hotter than Beach Club. I just found out the song I totally love is by Pussycat Dolls, called Beep. It's the absolute BEST as a club music. I'm listening to it now and I just wish I'm in the club. Omg, noooo~~~ I have to stop craving for such action.
Speaking of action ...last night was so ... ... I can't think of a word to describe it. I had so much fun - maybe too much ...? Anyway Caz got picked up by one of the three Korean dudes who were dancing somewhere around us. He, fortunately, has a name, and is called Wook or something like that, and the other two are unknown so has been branded as Tall and Drunk according to first appearance. *ahems* And she promptly disappeared for most of the night, making me worry like hell. The fact that her cell phone was low on batt, and we were in an underground club where there is no reception, is not much of a help at all. And something happened which wasn't exactly the highlight of the night, but it sort of stirred up something, I suppose.
So there I was, dancing alone in the darkest corner of the club. Well, not exactly ...hahaz but Caz had ran off to seek privacy with Wook, Nick was dancing with D, and T left me because he had like ten thousand friends in there. I was dancing with Nick and D, and I swear I didn't try to provoke anyone. I knew what I was doing, and I definitely wasn't dancing up to any guys. And since the start of the night, I sort of felt that the Tall korean dude was dancing a bit too close behind me, which prompted me to ask Caz if there was anyone behind me because I felt a sinister presence, and she said yes. She also confirmed that he wasn't a monster, so I didn't mind.
Anyway, back to the story. I was dancing with Nick and D, who were pretty much lost in their own world of cuddling, and suddenly I saw that tall dude out of nowhere, so I kind of pretended that I didn't see him, and that I didn't notice the way he was slowly inching towards me while dancing. I hate to admit this and I know I'd have my divine retribution soon for saying this, but at that moment I was wishing that I had gone to the club with Caz only and that I wasn't with T. Am I such an unfaithful person? My mom said I have a 'flower' heart, which in Chinese means sort of that my heart can't stay on one guy. But that guy was tall and he was so shy in a way I thought was pretty cute. Anyway, what happened next made my nerves freeze, cuz I didn't know what to do. I don't know how it happened, but the next thing I know, that tall guy had his hand rested lightly on my waist, and I was like, "oh my God what the hell am I supposed to do now" because I didn't dare to shove him away, and in the back of my mind I knew that Nick and D were only a feet away and they definitely could see us. One thing led to another, and he put his arm around me from behind and danced with me ...and then T appeared out of nowhere, and I had no choice but to push that guy away and go with T. T pulled me aside, and he was like, 'what were you doing with that guy? I left you for 5 minutes and the next thing I know you're dancing with another guy.' I had no defense - I just told him 'Nothing' and then I turned away.
We caught up with Nick and D, and T bought a beer, which I was holding for him until I realized that the bottle was soaked in beer itself and I got it all over my hands. I told them I was going to the washroom to wash my hands, and when I came back out, they had disappeared. To be honest, I got quite pissed off when I saw that they weren't there. How the heck was I supposed to know that they went to the washroom as well? They didn't even tell me, and I didn't see them at all! Looking for your friends in the club is the WORST thing to do, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. It was packed like heck last night and was soooo dark as well. I was being squashed around as I tried to squeeze past the throng of dancing, drunk clubbers, and I swear I must've went around the club at least ten times and I still couldn't find any of them. So I went to look for that tall korean guy, since it was his friend that my sister was with, and I thought maybe he would at least know where his friend was. And in the process of looking for the tall guy, I tapped the wrong person on the shoulder, and I was soooooo embarrassed. It's such a good thing that clubs are so dark and noisy they block half of your senses out so you can't feel that embarrassed. Well, I finally found that tall guy and I asked him if he knew where his friend was, but he didn't. He tried calling his friend, but that guy didn't answer his phone. I was so pissed off and annoyed. And then, something funny happened - I turned around and suddenly the tall korean dude was no where to be seen, so I thought he ran away from me or something. It wasn't until I started going away that I realized he was sitting down on the edge of the podium. Lols. I eventually found T, and later after too much effort, I found my sister, Nick, and D. Yay.
Anyway ...that wasn't the end of the night. Lots of things happened, and now I'm totally confused. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I really like T that much, because there are so many things I feel that I can't be comfortable about with him.
If I had a choice, I really don't wanna see him for a while ...I don't know what to do. What happened with that guy last night set me back thinking. If I really like T, I would already feel that I'm his gf. But even now, I can't feel that. I still feel that I'm single, and that's probably one of the reasons why I didn't make an attempt to push the guy away. Unless I really like someone, I can't just force myself into a relationship. And it's not that I don't feel anything for T at all ...it's just that at this point, as usual, I'm starting to have some doubts. I mean, T and I hooked up in the club, although we already knew each other before that. Anything can happen in a club, as I said, and it doesn't mean that we have to go out. But T is a bit forward, and I don't do anything to stop him. Meaning, I just take whatever happens as it is ...because at the moment, I don't even know what I want.

~princess was kissed @ 11:03 PM~

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Will You Be My Boyfriend ...
[ Wednesday, Sept. 06, 2006 :: 7:36 PM ]

Listening to Dong Bang Shin Ki - Will You Be My Girlfriend
Reading Nana
Current mood sick

I bumped into G on the tram today. It was a bit awkward - for me, at least, since that night when I got annoyed at him for calling me a traitor for like the fiftieth time. It wasn't as if I don't keep in contact with my med.chem friends anymore - I still do. Maybe he's the one who's avoiding me. So when he called me a snob I felt kind of annoyed. *sigh* I can't believe I used to have a crush on him ...
He came up and talked to me first, and I think it was like the first time in probably 6 months since I saw him and spoke to him face to face. I kind of miss hanging out with him. We have so much in common and used to be so close. Where did all that go to ...*___*
Today is like, the crappiest day of the year. It's been raining nonstop since last night, and the fact that I'm sick and had to get up early for my morning class did not help at all. I had to trudge through the rain and I was so cold ...*.* when is summer ever gonna come~~! OMIGODs speaking of summer, I saw this absolutely gorgeous blue flower-print dress at Duchess for only $10!!! I think I'm gonna go back and get it tomorrow ...and they have it in my size! *dies* =D I so can't wait for summer so I can wear as little as possible~~! ^o^v
Hmm ...I don't know if Friday night is still on, or maybe N has changed his mind and wants to go only with D. I don't really mind, especially if tonight turns out well for N and D, then they can go on their own private little date on Friday. I don't even know if I wanna go ...maybe T doesn't wanna go either. I won't know how to react when I see him again after last Saturday ...*__*
But N told me it was T's idea to watch Silent Hill together on Friday. *sigh* I wish Caz could come with me too, but she's already got a BIG DATE. >__<" *sigh* ...i'm so confused ~~~ Part of me wants to go, but a bigger part of me doesn't want to. I don't know ...what am I supposed to do? *_* I really don't want to get together with him, and then realize that we're not right for each other, and break up. I've done that too many times ...and it's more complicated because he's a close friend of N, and N is like a brother to me. I don't know how it even happened ...I mean, if last Saturday hadn't happen ...I would be fine being just friends with T. After what happened with him ...it's just a bit too late to turn back now. Despite what my instincts tell me ...there's nothing I can do now but to see what happens. *sigh* ...toshio~~~*o* Why do relationships have to be so complicated ...I wish my love life could be like that in Nana or Hot Gimmick ...T.T But things just have to be complicated, and makes you think too much. I think ...I want a boyfriend, not just any guy available, but the right one. Someone who is compatible with me at least on personality level, and not just physically. Saturday night, when T and I were sitting and chatting, he asked me if I was single. This was after we kissed. I went, 'No.' You should've seen his reaction ...lol~ but I was thinking, what is that supposed to mean? If I had a boyfriend, did he think I'd really kiss him in front of my sister and N, two of the few people in the whole universe who knows about my life inside out? Hm. Anyways ...I wanna stop meeting guys at/in the club, whether they were introduced to me by my friends or whatever. I wanna have a steady boyfriend, preferably one who goes to the same university ...so it'd be like a cute high school love story again, since my campus is as big as a rat hole. I really should stop going clubbing. Last semester I only went a couple of times, and my life was so simple and uncomplicated then. Things always happen ...in the club. Whether you mean to or not ...I think because of the loud music, the darkness in there, it makes you feel as if you're invisible and you're not yourself. So you can do whatever you want. At least, that's how I'm like ...I lose myself when I'm in the club. And it's really bad, because I really don't care what I do when I'm clubbing. But when you get out of the darkness and back into the harsh bright lights ...that's when you realize that whatever you did in there, you shouldn't have done. If only you had realized it earlier. Too bad, says the demon king. Lol ..I've been reading too much Nana. Sometimes when she mentions the demon king I feel as if it really does exist. Maybe that's why my life sucks all the time. Demon king is punishing me for whatever sins I've committed in all of my years of living, and maybe from my past lives too. Anyhoo~~ I should go and rest early ...Hopefully my fever and sore throat goes away by tomorrow. I've got too many things to do from tomorrow onwards. Need to be in a tiptop shape~! Matane!

~princess was kissed @ 7:36 PM~

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memoirs of time
[ Monday, Sept. 04, 2006 :: 5:48 PM ]

Listening to the radio - because i'm at work -.-"
Reading nothing ...
Current mood bored out of my mind

Ohemgee ...*o* I have to work tonight because my boss called me earlier, and asked me if I could cover for someone who called in sick. And since I haven't worked in 2 weeks and I'm down to my last 10 cents, I just agreed to come in. *sigh* This must be some sort of divine retribution just because I skipped uni this morning ...
Anyhoos ...I feel like throwing up. -.- There's some sort of weird smell here that wafted out of nowhere eugh I think I'm gonna be sick! *.* Hmm ...I am in such a crisis right now. If only a hundred grand could fall right out of the sky for me, it'll solve half, if not all of my problems. Then I wouldn't have to work, since I'm such a lazy bum and I hate working. But as usual, it's a quite winter day and my boss isn't around, there's another pharmacist working instead so I'm pretty laid back at the moment.
Back to the harsh reality ...I told my friend I'd try to pay for a new digital cam for her, at least one that is reasonably priced. It'll obviously make me poorer but I can't just ignore it - it's my fault that I dropped the cam, and I just have to do something about it. What a weekend it has been. I don't remember when was the last time I cried so much in front of like ten thousand people, half of which would see me again at uni for the next 4 years. It's so embarrassing and the fact that I was too drunk that night to care about what people think makes it worse. But the irony was that even though I knew I was getting so drunk, I didn't stop. I just kept drinking because it made me feel like I could detach myself from the situation, and I didn't want to go back to reality and face all these problems. But that's life. I couldn't run away from it. It'll be easy if I could just disappear.
What's done is done, and instead of running away I could just try and correct my mistake even if it takes me a lifetime. So, moral of the story is ...Friday was the most f*ked night.
Moving on. I know I'm not a celebrity or a star, and if anything I'm just the complete opposite, just another poor soul in this world struggling to get through life. But for quite some time I've been wanting to write an autobiography. Maybe it'll be good for me to reflect on the past, and maybe it'll be bad. I don't know. I only wrote like 2 pages and barely anything has surfaced, but it's coming along slowly. I want the truth to be spoken through words that I can't express. I want people to understand the reason behind my actions and inactions. Namely, people I love and care about. There are so many things about life that could be solved if only we had spoken aloud to one another, if only we could understand each other's hearts.
I hope for the best that it'll be a good novel, but I think there'll be a lot of work that I need to put into it. Anyways, I have to go now before I get caught blogging at work =P.

cya!

~princess was kissed @ 5:48 PM~

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version 4
[ Monday, Sept. 04, 2006 :: 2:34 PM ]

Listening to Kangta & Vanness - Scandal
Reading Nana Chp 60
Current mood ...

I'm just checking how my layout looks like! I'm too lazy to add any more stuff, since this is just a simple old diary ....ZzzZz
be back laterz!!!

~princess was kissed @ 2:34 PM~

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